"Will you preach?"  My answer was no. I was in a bad mood and the last thing that I wanted or had the ability to do was give a message.  Prior to being asked the question I had been having an ongoing gripe session with the Lord.  My rant, "God, why the fall of man? "  "Why do all of these bad things happen?"  "Why do you ask me to lay my hands on the sick and pray for them to be healed when you don't intend to heal them?"  I was livid.  "God, I've done what you asked. I have stepped out and prayed in "full assurance of what I hoped for" and "believed in what I could not see," but still nothing happened."    One of the hardest parts of being an active Christian is the mystery behind seemingly unanswered prayers.

Unfortunately I was the only one available for the preaching task. My answer had now become yes which in turn forced me to go straighten out this argument with the Lord.  I gave him all the tough theological questions that people only tempt to answer.  I told him over and over, "I want to believe, but what about this..."  By the end of the conversation I was brought back to a time in my life when I didn't know God.  The memory was specific, The year was 2002 and I was alone in my room sitting on my bed.   and My room was lit by the moon that broke through the blinds and seemed to make my purple and white quilt glow.  That night I had come to the end of myself. I had done the best I could as commander of my life, in fact I got to do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted to do it.  My not-based-on-anything theology was, "Surely God isn't going to send everyone to hell."   I really tried to be an honorable girl but even in my best attempts I wasn't able to make decisions that brought me the true joy that I longed for.  My will and inner-strength had left me empty. 

That night God found me.  I gave him all of me and He gave me all of him.  Now today, 7 years later, in the midst of my ranting about what I do not have the ability to understand he brought me to the time and place that I could not deny.  The day after I gave my life to the Lord I was transformed.  The things that mastered my will before suddenly no longer had the same power.

I cannot deny that God is living.  My life is my own proof.  I can't deny that he gives his children gifts.  I know this because he has given me several of them, and he has also taken them away. But what about the parts in the Bible that say "They will lay their hands on the sick and they will recover."  How about all of the parables of the lepers getting cleansed and the blind regaining their sight?  If that was only for that time period, why do the red letters say, "They will do even greater works than these in the generations to come."

In the midst of my anger, the Lord answered my lament.  He showed me the Israelites and how he made them walk through the desert for 40 years when the actual distance was a day's walk.  There were times that the Lord withheld food from them just so that they would cry out to him.  He needed them to know that he alone would provide for them.  From heaven he dropped down manna, these wafer thingies.   This was hard for the Israelites because they wanted meat.  Even while they were slaves in Egypt, they were able to eat meat.  I think it is funny that one of his first descriptions of the promise land, God tells them about the good food that they will eat. I love reading the Old Testament stories because I can really begin to understand the character of God. 

He did us a favor and explained why he gave the Israelites manna.  It was to see what was in their hearts.  Were they going to deny him or turn to other gods?  He wanted to see if he could trust them.  He had big dreams for the chosen people, and he wanted to know who to chose to be able to accomplish them.

I want in.  I want to live out God's DrEaMs!  If I have to lay my hands on 100 more people just so he can prove his point to me that it is not by my own power or will but only by his--so be it!   I have seen others pray for miraculous healings and salvations.  I have stood in a crowd, only feet from a person with a deformed body and with my own eyes I saw God pop an arm back into place.  The man of God who prayed for her wasn't special.  He was just like me.  The girl only got healed because he understood that he had no power within himself to heal her.  But the God who created all things was able to do what doctors could not.
 
Today I stood in a room full of African believers as I preached this message. I preached and then I prophesied over several of them.  The same Spirit that hangs with Jesus and the Father hung out with me and we had a ton of fun.  The paralyzed lady didn't get healed but she did get filled with the Holy Spirit.  Not a bad day. 

If there are any people reading this blog who want to know the Lord in this intimate way or want to take their faith to the next level and get filled with the Holy Spirit, please email me or any of my teammates.  We love you and thank you so much for all of your encouragement and prayers.